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'Start low, and go slow': how to talk to your partner about sex
'Start low, and go slow': how to talk to your partner about sex | Sex | The Guardian
E ven amid a full-blown pleasure revolution wherein a sex-positive landscape is absolutely the accepted norm , fact remains that talking about sex with a partner is not necessarily easy. Even after getting comfortable with the idea of bringing up an issue related to sex with a partner—whether that includes a suggestion, a preference, a new idea to try, or anything else—making sure your message is effective for speaking your piece without hurting their feelings can be a minefield of its own. Not to worry, though: In a recent Instagram post, the Gottman Institute , which provides research-backed insights and learnings to maximize relationship success, shared four golden rules about talking with your partner about sex…and, relatedly, the keys to getting the pleasure you want. And to be sure, the two components are connected.
How to Talk About Sex
It is perfectly okay to keep some things private, especially fantasies that you enjoy on your own and do not care to share with someone else. But in any relationship, whether for one night or many years, there are things about which you do need to communicate. Talking about sex openly makes for relationships that are more fun and satisfying. People sometimes think that if their partner really loved them or cared about them the other person would do exactly what they wanted. But none of us is a mind reader!
From behaviors to billboards, suggestions of sex and sexuality filter into our lives. But communication is part of having good sex. The willingness to talk about the kind of sex we have or want to have is a key skill. Talking about these topics can also help build a foundation for a better relationship as you learn about each other and explore new things together, all while being on the same page. But not having these conversations can be worse.